Iran, it’s not how you think.
November 4, 2008
‘How much?’
’16 Toman’
About sixteen US Dollars, hmm, I hadn’t stayed in a hotel in Iran that was more than 10 toman a night.
‘Hi, can I help?’
‘Oh yes, I’m just trying to explain that this is too expensive, do you know of a cheaper hotel?
*Some Farsi is exchange*
’12 Toman he says’
‘I’m sorry but I can’t afford more than 8′
*some more Farsi, the hotel owner looks slighted and glowers at me*
‘He says ok, 8 toman; I’m an English teacher at a school down the road, will you come and see my class?’
‘Of course! Anything’
A few moments later I’m sitting in front of a class of 15 or so 18-22 year old Iranian girls, somewhat apprehensively.
‘Tell us about England Mr Sam’
‘Ah, well I’m probably not the best person to talk about England as I’m not really a fan of it!’
Despite my personal viewpoint I launch into a diatribe attempting to compare the differences between the UK and Iran diplomatically.
‘Does anyone have any questions for Mr Sam?’
The girls break into hushed discussion and burst out laughing and start nudging one of the group who shakes her head and looks at the teacher.
‘She wants to know if she can have your email address’
‘Of course, no problem, you can write it up on the board if you like’
The questions start flying, ‘Where are you going?’, ‘What do you do when you need to calm down?’, ‘What countries have you been to?’, ‘What do you think about Iran?’.
Time’s up, one last question from the prettiest girl in the class.
‘Would you like for me and my friends to show you the city?’
I’m not about to turn down an invitation like that!
That’s how I found myself in a Peugeot 206 with 3 beautiful Iranian girls driving round seeing the sights.
I quizzed them about what they thought of the laws that the west perceived as ‘oppressive’.
‘We feel the same, I hate the Hedjab, I wish I didn’t have to wear it’
At that moment one of the girls phones rang.
‘It’s her boyfriend’ Nelly told me, giggling.
‘How does that work?’ I enquired, as as far as I knew Iran was a segregated society and I knew that at the very least sex before marriage is illegal.
‘Her parents don’t know, they’re always talking by SMS and mobile’
As it turned out we were going to the park to meet this boyfriend, so they could surreptitiously hold hands and exchange a few words in person.
I don’t seem to be very loquacious at the moment, but I figured I’d better post this otherwise it’ll end up on the ever-growing pile of drafts that never get posted!
Friendly too friendly
I followed the cross-eyed man to his hotel room even though I was dog-tired.
‘Don’t refuse Iranian hospitality!’ I reminded myself.
When he pulled out a bottle of scotch I was glad I had, a stressful day’s driving called for a bottle of highly illegal scotch (carrying a sentence of 6 months for the first offence, 2 years for the second, though admittedly largely inapplicable to foreigners).
He gestured for me to put my feet up and make myself comfortable, as I did so he stripped to his boxers in the same vein.
Unperturbed by this I went on drinking.
Only when he started massaging his thighs did I start to get a little worried.
As soon as I finished off my glass he grabbed my hand and thrust it upon his thigh.
‘Whoa! Ok.. Yeah… Thanks for the drink but… that’s enough for me!’
I fled to my own room, locked the door and didn’t come out ’til the morning.
The cave near Hamedan was quite impressive, absolutely massive and more stalactices than you’ve ever seen.
I apologise for the quality of the photos incidentally, it’s hard to get a good photo in near total darkness while you’re pedalling a pedalo!